The Easy Life of a Teenager: Misunderstood or Misguided?
"JNY" is a guest author, she lives in an Diego with her husband and three children.
What do you think of when you hear the word "Teenager?" Do you think they have it easier than you did? Do you think you are the guide in their lives or their peers?
It’s convenient as parents to forget all the bad times we experienced in our teen years, perhaps this is because we want our children to be "better" than we were , or, we don’t want them to experience the hard lessons life hands out. Lets face it, we can’t compare our days of mud pies, no curfews and going to the local arcades to hang out to this generations world of instant messaging, electronic games and time zapping devises such as Smartphones and ipads. The ways teen stay-in-touch and have fun look far different today, but so do the pressures today’s teen faces. Many parents, myself included, are struggling and fighting what feels like a losing battle to raise our children in this ever growing technological, media driven, sexually charged, and misguided peer pressured society.
Teens may carry a “bad rap” image, but I am here to gladly express that most teens are wonderful human beings. Many of course, have either not developed enough self-esteem to ward off the incredible sexual and social pressures they experience, and both sexes will do just about anything to be popular. Poor body image still exists despite how educated parents are about eating disorders. Today’s teen has to handle insurmountable pressure of college expectations, expenses, and steep competition. I honestly feel that college expectations, poor body image and sexuality are really affecting our teenagers, particularly teen girls.
I am the parent of a 14 year-old daughter. Parenting her has been very rewarding but also combative as I navigate a daily struggle to get her motivated and keep her focused in school and life. She is moody, sad and irritable several times a month. I begin to doubt myself: “What have I done wrong?” or, “Am I doing everything I can for her?” or, “Is this depression or bursting hormones?”
These questions serve as daily reminders at how life can be so physically and emotionally draining for our hormonally developing teens. I am rest-assured after many meetings with counselors and pediatricians that these issues are a commonality among teenage girls ages 13-18. I question how do I know when to step-back and let these issues run their course and when to take action because its something bigger? Only you can decide what is best for your child. I learned to trust gut instinct, to be mindful of changes in behavior and grades, be informed with what’s going on at school, and seek an appropriate physician or therapist for help.
In this article I am going to explore college pressure, body image and navigating sexuality in particular with teenage girls. We all want for our daughters to be confident, happy, motivated young ladies, but getting our daughters to this point is not easy when up against some destructive societal, pop culture giants!
College . . . a big stressor on teen and their parents!
College prospects are making teens very stressed and exhausted, and this can be fueled by "not living up to my parents expectations" syndrome. Today, teens are “building portfolios” to get accepted by a college along with keeping GPA's high, extra curricular activities, clubs and academic achievements. The stress from the increased competition can be discouraging. We can help by giving them a healthy balance of encouragement, support and realistic goals that fit with who they are as individuals. The more I understand my daughter and listen to what she wants the better I am able to guide her and help her make good decisions.
What do you think of when you hear the word "Teenager?" Do you think they have it easier than you did? Do you think you are the guide in their lives or their peers?
It’s convenient as parents to forget all the bad times we experienced in our teen years, perhaps this is because we want our children to be "better" than we were , or, we don’t want them to experience the hard lessons life hands out. Lets face it, we can’t compare our days of mud pies, no curfews and going to the local arcades to hang out to this generations world of instant messaging, electronic games and time zapping devises such as Smartphones and ipads. The ways teen stay-in-touch and have fun look far different today, but so do the pressures today’s teen faces. Many parents, myself included, are struggling and fighting what feels like a losing battle to raise our children in this ever growing technological, media driven, sexually charged, and misguided peer pressured society.
Teens may carry a “bad rap” image, but I am here to gladly express that most teens are wonderful human beings. Many of course, have either not developed enough self-esteem to ward off the incredible sexual and social pressures they experience, and both sexes will do just about anything to be popular. Poor body image still exists despite how educated parents are about eating disorders. Today’s teen has to handle insurmountable pressure of college expectations, expenses, and steep competition. I honestly feel that college expectations, poor body image and sexuality are really affecting our teenagers, particularly teen girls.
I am the parent of a 14 year-old daughter. Parenting her has been very rewarding but also combative as I navigate a daily struggle to get her motivated and keep her focused in school and life. She is moody, sad and irritable several times a month. I begin to doubt myself: “What have I done wrong?” or, “Am I doing everything I can for her?” or, “Is this depression or bursting hormones?”
These questions serve as daily reminders at how life can be so physically and emotionally draining for our hormonally developing teens. I am rest-assured after many meetings with counselors and pediatricians that these issues are a commonality among teenage girls ages 13-18. I question how do I know when to step-back and let these issues run their course and when to take action because its something bigger? Only you can decide what is best for your child. I learned to trust gut instinct, to be mindful of changes in behavior and grades, be informed with what’s going on at school, and seek an appropriate physician or therapist for help.
In this article I am going to explore college pressure, body image and navigating sexuality in particular with teenage girls. We all want for our daughters to be confident, happy, motivated young ladies, but getting our daughters to this point is not easy when up against some destructive societal, pop culture giants!
College . . . a big stressor on teen and their parents!
College prospects are making teens very stressed and exhausted, and this can be fueled by "not living up to my parents expectations" syndrome. Today, teens are “building portfolios” to get accepted by a college along with keeping GPA's high, extra curricular activities, clubs and academic achievements. The stress from the increased competition can be discouraging. We can help by giving them a healthy balance of encouragement, support and realistic goals that fit with who they are as individuals. The more I understand my daughter and listen to what she wants the better I am able to guide her and help her make good decisions.
Body image . . . hmm . . . where do I begin?
Clothing, media, billboards, magazines, commercials, music and music videos, and even toys such as the "perfectly"shaped Barbie shape our teens with an unrealistic body image. It is frightening to think that our teenage girls feel such immense pressure to “fit-in” based solely on how they look. Today’s styles are provocative but they are today’s styles and this equals pressure. I, for one, see a major imbalance between dressing and looking age appropriate VS. vanity . . . vanity almost always wins!
In the midst of all this outer beauty focus I believe girls are robbed of the opportunities that focus on inner beauty and mind. This creates and ocean of confusion, sexual pressure, eating disorders, and a general lack of confidence.
Where do I keep the focus as I guide my daughter? Confidence! I have to be the one to help my daughter develop her confidence, and I do this by getting her involved in a teen support group with other girls, I talk with her daily, I focus and concentrate on her strengths, and I let her know I understand the distorted societal perception of perfectionism that leads to poor body image. I help her to see that everyone is shaped, built and genetically designed in her/his own way!
Sexuality, sex, and education.
Identifying sexuality, body care and sexual onset are a major concern among our teenagers, especially teenage girls. All teens have sexual lives, whether with others or through fantasies. An important part of adolescence is thinking about and experimenting with aspects of your sexuality. This helps them to grow and discover who they are. From “sexting” by phone to easy access to computer porn, sexuality is being explored (and exploited) at a much earlier age.
Parents need to stop being embarrassed to talk about sexuality. Bottom-line, by not discussing sexuality we put our kids at higher risk. Its essential to discuss the healthy side of sexuality—feeling close to another person, enjoying physical pleasure, and learning about yourself; and the unhealthy—pregnancy, STD’s, such as herpes, venereal warts, HIV, among others. I really want my teenagers to be open and honest with me about sex but I need to lead the way making the path safe for them. It is important for us parents to help our teens think about sex carefully, and develop their/our own ideas.
"Sexual readiness" means more than whether your body is physically ready or able to have sex. When is the time right? What’s the rush? What is "safe sex?" Before our kids become sexually active, it’s important for them to feel prepared and know how to be sexually safe at the same time. Both girls as well as boys feel pressure to be sexually active. For girls these days the message is your “Cool” and “Sexually liberated.” You are no longer “Susie the Slut” if you have sex. Learning about their own body, committing to safer sex, and maybe even role-playing tough situations so helps them think about the issues when the time comes.
Teenagers need also to learn how to respect their body and the bodies of others. Educating our teen girls that they can say NO, and should not be pushed, manipulated and forced into any sexual activity they don’t want. I want them to learn about what it really means to give consent for sexual activity, for example, is it really sexual consent if alcohol is involved?
While writing this article I could not help but reflect on my own teenage experiences from the past to current situations at home and still ask the question: Do teenagers have an easy life? All teenagers struggle at some point, some more than others. Easy? Misguided? Misunderstood? Perhaps all of these or none of these words fit. I do know that I educate myself so I can better inform and guide my teenagers as home.
JNY, Mom
Clothing, media, billboards, magazines, commercials, music and music videos, and even toys such as the "perfectly"shaped Barbie shape our teens with an unrealistic body image. It is frightening to think that our teenage girls feel such immense pressure to “fit-in” based solely on how they look. Today’s styles are provocative but they are today’s styles and this equals pressure. I, for one, see a major imbalance between dressing and looking age appropriate VS. vanity . . . vanity almost always wins!
In the midst of all this outer beauty focus I believe girls are robbed of the opportunities that focus on inner beauty and mind. This creates and ocean of confusion, sexual pressure, eating disorders, and a general lack of confidence.
Where do I keep the focus as I guide my daughter? Confidence! I have to be the one to help my daughter develop her confidence, and I do this by getting her involved in a teen support group with other girls, I talk with her daily, I focus and concentrate on her strengths, and I let her know I understand the distorted societal perception of perfectionism that leads to poor body image. I help her to see that everyone is shaped, built and genetically designed in her/his own way!
Sexuality, sex, and education.
Identifying sexuality, body care and sexual onset are a major concern among our teenagers, especially teenage girls. All teens have sexual lives, whether with others or through fantasies. An important part of adolescence is thinking about and experimenting with aspects of your sexuality. This helps them to grow and discover who they are. From “sexting” by phone to easy access to computer porn, sexuality is being explored (and exploited) at a much earlier age.
Parents need to stop being embarrassed to talk about sexuality. Bottom-line, by not discussing sexuality we put our kids at higher risk. Its essential to discuss the healthy side of sexuality—feeling close to another person, enjoying physical pleasure, and learning about yourself; and the unhealthy—pregnancy, STD’s, such as herpes, venereal warts, HIV, among others. I really want my teenagers to be open and honest with me about sex but I need to lead the way making the path safe for them. It is important for us parents to help our teens think about sex carefully, and develop their/our own ideas.
"Sexual readiness" means more than whether your body is physically ready or able to have sex. When is the time right? What’s the rush? What is "safe sex?" Before our kids become sexually active, it’s important for them to feel prepared and know how to be sexually safe at the same time. Both girls as well as boys feel pressure to be sexually active. For girls these days the message is your “Cool” and “Sexually liberated.” You are no longer “Susie the Slut” if you have sex. Learning about their own body, committing to safer sex, and maybe even role-playing tough situations so helps them think about the issues when the time comes.
Teenagers need also to learn how to respect their body and the bodies of others. Educating our teen girls that they can say NO, and should not be pushed, manipulated and forced into any sexual activity they don’t want. I want them to learn about what it really means to give consent for sexual activity, for example, is it really sexual consent if alcohol is involved?
While writing this article I could not help but reflect on my own teenage experiences from the past to current situations at home and still ask the question: Do teenagers have an easy life? All teenagers struggle at some point, some more than others. Easy? Misguided? Misunderstood? Perhaps all of these or none of these words fit. I do know that I educate myself so I can better inform and guide my teenagers as home.
JNY, Mom